October 1, 2001 : Baton Rouge, LA
Commentators: Paul Heyman, Jim Ross
Ring Announcer: Fink
Rebeaker: nik
Some pyros go off and then Paul Heyman and JR have a quick snack before the first match starts. Lo and behold, it's not a first match, but a thirty minute long interview from Kurt Angle. He talks about how everyone makes him mad, and then The Rock comes into the ring and joins him and they start comparing their penises. In an extremely immature way, especially for The Rock and Angle, they call their units "Strudels." I think it would be funny if the Rock called it a "Stroodle" instead, proving that misspellings = big funny like The Next Mideon once said. This gives Shane McMahon a chance to walk out and say that he wants to talk about penises, too. Shane McMahon says he's the whole bakery, insinuating that he has both "Pie," "Stroodle," and "Bread." HE IS A MEDICAL MALFUNCTION!!! JR remarks that Michael Cole should've been here. Then, the Dudley Boyz music hits and some random Dudleyz start creeping out of the crowd and beating on The Rock and Angle. When it's all over, the already dead crowd briefly sits silently, and then gets quiet for the next match.
Match One: Spike Dudley v. Hurricane (Euro C)
Hurricane wore a cape to the ring and came out and challenged Spike Dudley to a battle. Spike came out in a little Big Show suit that made him look a lot like Grimace. He shaved his face. The two of them wrestled for a little bit but no one watched because of the chance that Spike might 'flop' out of his onesie. So finally Hurricane whirled around and flew out of the ring like in his Titantron. He and Molly left on a Hurricycle despite the fact that at least one of them can fly. The Alliance scores a point with Hurricane's win.
Match Two: Test, Booker T. and Rob Van Dam v. Undertaker, Kane, and Jericho
Undertaker gets into the ring first and sloshes around shouting things in sluggish texlish, and then grabs Test and attempts to kill him. Jericho makes noises from the apron and gets wrinklyfaced. Back in the ring, Test is hanging on to Undertaker's neck for dear life, and the Undertaker is playing Limbo under the ring ropes, Test balanced precariously on his chest. Rob Van Dam wiggles his large rumpus and people start chanting, "R-V-D." I guess that's to keep everyone's mind off of Test's impending doom. Test is at death's door, knocking loudly, when Kane liquidizes and forms back into a large red retard in the ring. Jericho comes out of no where and kicks him and goes, "CHAAAA" like a charmander. Booker T stops patronizing the crowd and then gets back into the ring. He stares cross-eyed at his hand until Jericho smacks him and goes, "CHAAA." Booker T responds, "BUBBA!" and RVD waddles in and goes, "PSY! PSY!" Kane puts one finger at his throat and says, "X-Pac my friend." and then the match ends with RVD sitting on Jericho's head. That means the Alliance wins again.
Match Three: Dudleyz v. The Rock
In an unbelievable show of strength, the Rock gets resurrected by Green Dwarf and after he is fed the food he needs badly, he kills Bubba Ray and D'von begins to devour the corpse. The Rock wins.
Match Four: DDP
Diamond Dallas Page is meditating because he likes Yoga, he likes him, and he wants you to like you. Also, he loves Rehabilitation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Match Five: Torrie and Tajiri v. Tazz and Stacy
Stupidity ensues as the shenanigans of two barely-sentient life forms take the ring with their token men, Tazz and Tajiri. Angry because she was the only one who didn't get to start with a 'T', Stacy immediately wiggles her ass at Tajiri and gets it kicked. After getting off of the sensation of Tajiri's toes against her crack, she manages to find her way out of the ring using a map. Just when things couldn't get any dumber, Tajiri and Tazz decide to commit Hara-kiri and this leaves Stacy and Torrie to monopolize the ring. There's a bunch of hair grabbing and floor-banging, and then Edge comes out and starts humping the ring. I guess he couldn't take it any more. At the end, Torrie got a lollipop for being a good girl, and Stacy rolled around on the floor kicking until the referee couldn't take it any more and awarded her the win. Winner: Stacy and Tazz
Match Six: Lance Storm v. William Regal
William Regal was being a pervert and trying to poke his finger through the hole on Ivory's pants, so Lance told him to meet him in the ring. What happened was an astral projection. What really happened was Ivory left the office to prepare, and Lance told Regal that he needed to be serious for a minute. Regal nodded and Storm told him that it really hurt his feelings that he liked Ivory that way because well, he thought Regal liked him. And Storm kinda liked Regal, too. So Regal said that he was sorry, and gave him some tea. Regal got a nosebleed because he was looking at Storm's crotch for too long, and because he's a lot like a male Japanese cartoon character. While the match raged on in the ring, hormones raged on in the office, and in no time the two were sharing an intimate love ritual that involved the Regal Stretch. Winner: Regal
Match Seven: Shane McMahon v. Kurt Angle
To make a long story short, Kurt Angle won.
Quick Results: Many people slept in the audience, except for the dumb asshole in the red shirt behind Paul Heyman. I really hated her and wished that somehow the bulbous, bubble-blister on the lip of humanity Heyman would fall from his precarious perch on the chair and flatten her. It didn't happen, but it will. Oh, it will. There was a lot of monster booty shakin'. No belts changed hands, which is normal, and no one got crippled, except Test almost did, which is something exciting, I guess. PS--I hate doing RAW recaps. If you'd like to take over for me, or do Smackdown or any other WWF product recap, plz write mail and tell me that you're taking over. Thx.