My longtime life-partner "Just" Joe was recently released from the World Wrestling Federation. Now he works down at the docks capturing clams for 10 cents each. While not as glamorous as you might think, this occupation allows "Just" Joe to tap into the pulse of the wrestling world. Because he loves you, and because I gave him five dollars, "Just" Joe has given me the following saucy rumors to relate! He heard them from sailors and prostitutes!!!

Weekly Visitor's own Sofa K. Amazing overheard this first rumor from "Just" Joe when they were playing skee-ball together or whatever it is those two do.

-The real reason The Rock is on hiatus is because when he last got some pie, WWE officials observed him ordering it "ALLAH MODE".

The rest are mine because they're shittier.

-In other Rock news, it is confirmed that Stone Cold Steve Austin still tops his list as "The Biggest Piece of Trailer Park Trash Walkin'". Ineligible for the list? Droz.

-Oh, shut up. Like you could do better. I'll kill you.

-Michael Cole plans to celebrate Halloween like he celebrates every day: by making out with a picture of Tazz. While sobbing.

-I heard that Shawn Michaels auditioned for Booker T's Hungry Man commercials but was rejected when it was discovered that he was neither hungry nor a man.

-A little bird tells me that Jim Ross's wife has a bun in the oven!!!

-BREAKING NEWS! JR ate the bun.

-Matt Hardy demanded that his Mattitude search engine be taken offline until it could include much more child pornography.

-I'm told that Rico was kicked off the Las Vegas police force for protesting the department's "Scared Straight" program.

-Albert was saddened to learn last Tuesday that, despite what he had been told, he is not, in fact, getting a Dell.

-Apparently mistaking Buh Buh Ray Dudley's misshapen head for a pumpkin, Kane stabbed him in the face.

-"Just" Joe recently tried to invite Jonathan Coachman over for an evening of romance, but his phone was OFF DA HOOK!