My longtime life-partner "Just" Joe was recently released from the World Wrestling Federation. Now he works down at the docks capturing clams for 10 cents each. While not as glamorous as you might think, this occupation allows "Just" Joe to tap into the pulse of the wrestling world. Because he loves you, and because I gave him five dollars, "Just" Joe has given me the following saucy rumors to relate! He heard them from sailors and prostitutes!!!

-In honor of Allentown's favorite son, Kidman's home state has volunteered to change its name to Pantiesylvania.

-I heard that Test took great offense recently upon being labeled a "xenophobe". The truth is, he watches that show on the Oxygen network all the time and thinks it is "totally hot".

-Even after so many years in the business, Rikishi still has butterflies in his stomach before every match. He really should stop eating those.

-In some sad news, it appears that Droz has left home and joined a gang. I'm not sure which one, but I'm going to assume it's the Crips.

-So many roll-by shootings. It just breaks your heart.

-It's rumored that Lita and a certain Hardy brother may soon be joined in holy MATTRIMONY UHHHHHHHHH HA HA I suck.

-Kane performs abortions.

-Distraught over the escalating situation in Iraq, Rey Mysterio tried to commit suicide by jumping off a toadstool. ^_^

-"Just" Joe didn't want to say nothin', but, uh, you could stand to drop a few pounds there, chubs.

-Eddie Guerrero was kicked out of the Pier 1 in El Paso last Saturday when an employee discovered that he had wasted lotion.

-Guerrero then went home to play Final Fantasy, but Chavo yelled at him after he wasted potion.

-I should not be allowed to live.