My longtime life-partner "Just" Joe was recently released from the World Wrestling Federation. Now he works down at the docks capturing clams for 10 cents each. While not as glamorous as you might think, this occupation allows "Just" Joe to tap into the pulse of the wrestling world. Because he loves you, and because I gave him five dollars, "Just" Joe has given me the following saucy rumors to relate! He heard them from sailors and prostitutes!!!

-Planet Stasiak is located in the direct vicinity of URANUS HAHA HEE HO HA HEE HO HO!

-Heh.

-Hoo boy.

-Jim Ross and the Boss Man agree: There ain't nuthin' like the taste of Scalded Dog!

-I hear Tazz used to work as a proctologist when times were tough. JUST ANUTHA RECTUM BAWHAWHAW!

-It is confirmed that Saturn has indeed gone to Jupiter to get more stupider.

-"Just" Joe reports that Chaz's current job down at the Burger King just isn't working out. Special orders DO upset him. A LOT.

-Call me what you will, but I don't think Hulk Hogan can REALLY chop down mountains with the edge of his hand! Where's the proof??? THE PROOF?!?!

-In a rather Harvey Whipplemannish turn of events, a certain bulbous gentleman will win the Women's title in the guise of Polly Heyman.

-Since the NWO tanked so horribly, Vince McMahon has resolved to introduce a panda-related poison into the WWE.

-BOW DOWN WHEN LING-LING AND SING-SING COME TO YOUR TOWN!!!

-If the Undertaker and his favorite band had their druthers, the upcoming Star Wars film would be subtitled "I Did It All For The Wookiee".

-God, that's bad.

I even threw in an extra one since that was like 33% filler. Regardless, it's almost summertime, and you know what that means! Filthy, shirtless children running wild in the streets, eating ice cream cones and sno-cones and traffic cones and whatever the hell else they can get their grubby mitts on. But beyond that, summer heralds the arrival of the gala event of the year! No, not that movie with the rubber puppets and homosexual robots. It's: