Hello, from St. Louis, and welcome to more news, views, shoes, and glues from under the straw hat. Ever since I started the stupidity that is this column, I get tons of email. I decided to take this time to answer some of those letters. Shall we?

Eviljonhunt81, I just don't understand your column, or any of the other fine columns available at this awesome site. I am perfectly fluent in the English language, yet many of the terms you use just don't make sense. Could you help me?

--Hot, beautiful lady that wants to birth your child.

Well, don't let these terms worry your pretty little face. They are simply wrestling terms. In order to help more, I've compiled a little list of definitions.

Angle - The figure derived from two lines beginning at a common point. Duh. Some people think that Vince Russo came up with good angles. These were called "acute angles."

Blade - That Wesley Snipe vampire movie. Also, the sharp edge of a knife or small cutting instrument, but that doesn't have much to do with wrestling. Common usage: "Vampiro could so kick Blade's ass!"

Booker - Frightening black man that worked for WCW. He was named for his love of books, as evidenced in several of his promos and catchphrases. For example, towards the end of WCW's reign of terror, Booker began quoting Shakespeare's The Merry Wives of Windsor, saying "don't hate tha playa', hate tha game!"

Dark match - Didn't the power go out in the Arena during a WWF paper view once? I think so. This is a reference to that event.

Face - A term used to designate a "goodguy" wrestler. It's roots go way back to ancient times. See, good people have faces, whereas bad people are usually screaming skeletons that chase you and bite all your skin off, even though they have no stomachs and can't digest it.. That's why they're called HEELS.

Heel - The "badguy" wrestlers. Except in these wacky times we live in, HEELs get cheered while faces get booed. HAVE YOU PEOPLE NO DIGNITY? For instance, imagine that us Weekly Visitor columnists were in a sort of rivalry. Now, if I were to put Baruni in a car and drop it 20 stories, most people would think I was "evil." Not in the world of wrestling. As explained above, the term goes back to Ye Olden Days when screaming skeletons were chasing people and eating skin and whatnot.

Juice - Liquid drink, usually obtained from a fruit or vegetable. I think wrestlers like to drink juice. It helps them stay in shape. Big Show drinks a big bowl of fresh squeezed lard juice everyday.

Kayfabe - Is that even a word? I saw Hooker use it in a column, so I guess it is. I just looked it up, and it said something about a wrestler's character. What are they talking about? What character? How would a person break character? Unless. . .OH MY GOD! WRESTLING ISN'T REAL! YOU'VE BEEN LYING TO ME! YOU DIRTY BASTARDS! TAKE YOUR THINGS AND GET OUT OF MY LIFE!

Main Eventer - What Vince McMahon thought the Big Show was. Vince McMahon drinks a lot.

Mark - Basically, a fan. If you get really excited when a wrestler comes on, you're a mark for that wrestler. Unless it's the Undertaker. Then you're a moron. The term comes from this dude I went to high school with. His name was Mark, and he got really excited whenever Saturn came out in dresses, as he was prone to do in his WCW days. He got a bit too excited.

Mid-Carder - What Vince McMahon is using the Big Show as now. Vince McMahon drinks a lot.

Screwjob - If you look on the internet, you can find plenty of fiction about Wrestlers giving each other screwjobs.

Sell - Making a move look like it really hurt. For instance, when HHH crumpled up and had to be helped off on Monday Night RAW a few weeks back, he was selling. The most common, and, in my humble opinion, the best way to sell a move is to flop around like a fish.

Shoot - An expletive, often uttered when a wrestler gets hurt, or is told that he is being sent back to Ohio Valley Wrestling. Also: Dang.

Smart mark or Smark - An oxymoron.

Squash - Michael Cole's favorite side dish on Thanksgiving. What a dork.

Stiff - What Droz can't get.

Well, that about sums up all the important wrestling terms. Not that this was of some help. That's all for this time. If you have any other questions, or any breaking news, you can send them to me. Also, go over and see that face, jonhunt81's new webpage. It used to be a news site, but it's not anymore.