Just thought I'd throw up some Royal Rumble results. Maybe some ramblings about some other stuff. It all depends on how long this takes.

$35 to see nothing but shitty punches for an hour?!?! You're on!

For some reason, the Royal Rumble was always one of my favorite events. The Rumble itself, however, is almost always shitty. I haven't seen the past two years' Rumbles (I'll be getting a tape of this one tomorrow, though), but every other one has been nothing but a whole bunch of guys standing around, looking confused and throwing really shitty punches. I guess it all goes back to when jobber matches ran the televised shows, so the Rumble was the one occasion to see all my favorite WWF guys in the ring at the same time. On paper, that sounds like a cool idea. I mean, who wouldn't want to see MVP, Ultimate Warrior and the Repo Man all in the ring at the same time? The 1992 rumble is probably my favorite. I must have rented that thing 50 times when I was younger. Probably because it was the only Royal Rumble at the Blockbuster by my house. Yeah.

Anyway, the past few years have seen extremely shitty Royal Rumbles. I mean, we all know that some guys really don't have a chance at winning (like, say, Nunzio), but when the winner of the Rumble is as obvious as that stupid switcheroo in Star Wars episode 1, it tends to drag on a bit. I didn't watch last year's (I was out of the country), but who didn't know that Lesnar would win? And HHH the year before that? And. . .who won the year before that? Oh, the Rock, because he had the same fucking match with Big Show that Lesnar had last year. Is the Big Show their go-to guy when they need to kill any suspense for the Rumble? Anyway, you get the idea. However, this year was different. The list of potential winners actually was fairly large. On the Smackdown side you had Benoit, Angle, Cena. . . uh . . . Nunz-nevermind. Well, shit. 3 is better than 1, though. And that's just the Smackdown side. Over on RAW you have Goldberg. . . shit. Let's forget about the RAW side, then. Regardless, it was as painfully obvious that one guywas going to win the Rumble, which is a big step up for the WWE in recent years. So, with that in mind, I still didn't order the Rumble (The Golden Globes were on tonight!), so let's see what happened.

Oh, it's the one in the mask this time? Then move the girls to HEAT: Possibly fighting for her cousin (champion) vs. Possibly fighting with her valet (w/aforementioned Valet)

Stevie Richards reunited the BWO with the Blue Meanie the other night at some indy show in Jersey. Not that that's relevant at all. As said above, this match was on HEAT, so somebody will be covering later on. Victoria wins with a Widow's Peak. Is she a face now? I forgot to watch HEAT. As said, the Golden Globes was on.

PLZ don't forget we exist: I bet they mentioned my name about a million times tonight & Jon doesn't hate me as much as he hate Orton (champions) vs. The Dudley BORES!!!11!!!LOL!!1!1#

Who cares?

I can't think of anything to put here: Why isn't my dad ever on tv? (champion) vs. I still had to pay my cousin full price?!?! Bullshit! (w/This can't go on much longer, can it?)

You know, of all the possible cruiserweight matchups in the WWE, this is the last one I want to see. Well, I guess I'd rather see this than Spike Dudley vs. the non-Jimmy Yang yakuza guy. Anyway, apparently Nidia tripped Noble, which somehow allowed Mysterio to win. While I can't really complain, as I like Mysterio way more than Noble, I must wonder what the point is in hiring enough guys to fill out a cruiserweight division yet never using more than 2 1/2 of them.

Shit! With Spanky gone, who will fill that last spot on Velocity?: Not me Esse vs. FUCK! (w/FUCK! Sr.)

Like it was any suprise. I actually expected some sort of involvement from Angle, which would lead to a Wrestlemania match between the two. I guess it can still happen. Eddie got the HEEL beatdown on Chavo after the match. I don't quite understand it, but I've been saying that about the WWE quite a bit lately.

The feud that wasn't there: Grotesque Dick Tracy Villian (champion) vs. Proffesional Race Car Driver and TV Analyst

So, what, did the WWE figure that since the Rumble wasn't entirely predictable every other match on the card had to be? Also, the full-nelson is easily the worst finisher since, well, since ever. Actually, I'm not sure if Holly used it during this match. The results I read seem to have been written by Michael Cole, as they simply say Lesnar reversed a "submission" into the F-5.

I bet there's a really good gay joke in here somewhere: I represent everything that is wrong with the WWE (champion) vs. I represent everything that is wrong with Gay Christianity

Not being a homosexual, I'm not as enamored with Shawn Michaels as the rest of the internet seems to be, so this match didn't excite me all that much. It didn't make me want to order the Rumble either! I'll be here all night! Really, though, while these two have had good matches together (The only good matches I've seen HHH in since his injury), I just don't really care about either one of them enough to actively want to see a match between them. I doubt it can be any better than either their match at last year's Summerslam or on RAW a few weeks back, and the finish was as shitty as that of the RAW match (both men got counted down, so HHH retained the title), so who really cares?

I don't think I've ever come out against HHH that much before. That's kind of weird. I don't hate him nearly as much as the rest of the internet (yes, the entire internet). I certainly don't enjoy his matches anymore (I got bored with him about 2 or 3 weeks after his BEAUTIFUL DAY!). He just is a complete non-factor to me. Eh.

Don't get your hopes up Rico

It turns out my possible spoilers were correct, and Benoit did win the Rumble. What's not clear is the whole possibly facing HHH instead thing. I still think this is a stupid idea, as I'd much rather see Lesnar/Benoit than Benoit/CRIPPLE-H!!! I'm just that damn good.

"What possible angles were set up," you ask? Well, Undertaker's old music played at one point, which caused Kane to freak out and get eliminated. Undertaker didn't come out, though. This is a pretty cool way to set up their eventual match. Kind of a reverse of when Kane first showed up. Except for the parts that are completely different. And I guess Paul Bearer won't be involved, as he hates the WWE now, or something. And it will make the whole Undertaker/Kane storyline that much more confusing (Are either of them dead or burned now?). Mick Foley came out and eliminated Randy Orton. Again, I could care less. I bought that Foley DVD the other day (it came with a free very ugly hat! How could I pass that up?). I thought I was gonna' go somewhere with that, but have now drawn a blank. Let's just say Orton sucks and move along. Goldberg vs. Lesnar was hinted at again (the last time being at Survivor Series). Again, never having been a Goldberg fan, this is not really a dream match for me, but I will admit it is slightly interesting. I'd still rather see Benoit/Lesnar, though.

So, in conclusion, the WWE has set up some storylines for the new year. Nothing terribly interesting, but I would hope we'd all be used to that now.

I guess that does it for this time around.

FINAL THOUGHTS:This is just creepy