At the risk of seeming semi-professional, I've decided to do this nonsense again.

Since there's very little wrestling news, I'll start by clarifying on what nicknames for wrestlers I hate. I have no problem with the names used here at WV, or any other nicknames that would appear to have taken a bit of creativity and/or thought. It's stuff like "Trips" and "Abby" that bugs the shit out of me. It's as if the person using it is the wrestlers mom, or something. I actually like the rebeakers using nicknames here, because instead of me saying "Who the hell is Rodney Mack?" I might laugh at something, then say "Who the hell is Rodney Mack?". Also, for some reason the links in the last column were all messed up. SOFA, the good man that he is, has correct the problem. Now, with all that out of the way, let's move onto some wrestling news.

. . .

Umm . . . Hogan still quit.

shit

Ok, well, I guess there's some new information about Hogan leaving. Seems that he didn't have a written contract, and he and McMahon had a verbal agreement to to "do it till it hurts" or something. I saw a transcript of Hogan on the Bubba the Sponge show, or whatever it's called. That guy sounds like a complete tool. He kept trying to get Hogan to talk shit about HHH, but Hogan kept backing off. Hogan seemed to be muttering to himself "I'll go to Japan" and "I can make so much money in Japan" which seems completely delusional, but amusing. I can just see him with a blank look in hs eyes, using some quite voice. haha. Anyway, if Hogan really wanted to get back at McMahon, he'd set aside the fact that he hates everybody involved with it and show up on NWA: TNA this week.

He also claims that McMahon has lost touch with the fans, which is hard to argue with, but is kind of like having that King of Queens guy call you fat and not funny. It may be true, but it still doesn't seem right.

I don't know why I made that last part a seperate paragraph. Anyway, Jeff Hardy's gonna' be at the next Ring of Honor show. If I lived in New Jersey, I probably would have shot myself some time ago. Assuming I got better or something, I would do just about anything to get to that show. Being able to see Jeff Hardy killing himself in the close atmosphere of a high school gym for somewhere around $30 is something I hope to accomplish in my life. When I was in jersey, I was supposed to see Sabu vs. some guy who's name I forgot, but Sabu "was in a car accident," so they got Chris Candido to take his place. So close, yet so far. I did get to see Vader vs. The Patriot, though, and Vader was accompanied by Queasy, Jerry Lawler's midget from like 10 years ago, who had a 20 minute long match earlier in the night. Interesting note: I remember going to a WWF house show back then, but all I can remember about it is Alundra Blayze vs. Bull Nakano (which was the best match of the night) and Lawler only having Queasy with him, saying St. Louis's airport lost the other two (Cheesey and Weezy?). Doink only had Dink with him (missing Wink and Pink?), but I guess he's learned that these types of things happen in airline travel. I vaguely remember Yokozuna coming out for the main event, and I'm gonna' guess he fought Bret Hart or the Undertaker, but I can't remember at all. 2nd interesting note: I believe I've mention this all before.

Something Like a Smackdown Rebeak

Drinking lots of beer
And waiting for Ultimo
"Have Bradshaw instead"

I thought Ultimo Dragon was supposed to show up this week, but apparently I thought wrong. All in all, it was a pretty shitty episode. They only showed three matches over here (Undertaker vs. Nunzio, Rhyno vs. Benoit, and Lesnar vs. Big Show), and only one of those three was decent, at best. Amazingly, the Japanese commentary was kind of funny. I won't go into why, as you would had to have been there. And understood Japanese, probably. Anyway, in the segment where Sable and McMahon got all nasty and were making fun of Zack Gowan, Sable either really laughed or is a very good actress. I'm more inclined to go with the former. And then I watched My Girl 2.

I Can't Believe Nobody Mentioned This

"Shaniqua seems to have eyes for Benoit. Can you blame her?" - Scott Keith, 7/03/2003 Smackdown "rant."

Non Sequitur Match Recap

Strangely omitted from last week's column: "'Non sequitur' probably isn't the right term, but I don't like the sound of 'out of the blue,' and couldn't think of anything else, so that'll do for now."

I guess "non sequitur" is even less appropriate the 2nd week in a row, but I am too hung over to think, and I swear my English is getting worse every day I spend in Japan. Anyway, this week we have

Tiger Jeet Singh vs. Scott Norton

This is probably like form 10 years ago. It's on the NJPW tape I got for about $1 at this second hand shop who seems to only sell porn tapes, and this one wrestling tape. Ok, Norton comes out first. This is when he was still "Flash" and had a mullet and was fresh off of winning some arm wrestling contest or something. Singh comes out and does his whole "I'm crazy" routine BY EATING PAPER! hahaha. HE DIDN'T EVEN EAT IT! He just put it in his mouth then spit it out! Norton starts to fight with Meng, who has accompanied Singh because their names rhyme (or rhymes name, if you prefer), which allows Singh to toss Norton outside. Singh starts hitting Norton with his sword, and hitting some other people. Norton's bleedy as hell, and we're only like 1 minute into this. That really is a fair amount of blood. Back in the ring now. Almost. Singh stops Norton halfway in and bited his head. Now Singh humps the ropes. This is insane. It's really quite disturbing, in fact. Meng unties the turnbuckle while Singh beats on Norton. Norton's head is driven into the bare steel. Again. Now he's getting pumped up from it. Now he's not. ok. If you could book any card you wanted, at any venue in the world, but the only condition is that you have to job to Singh on the card, would you do it? I would in a minute. Shit, I'd bleed all over the place for him. He's like a fucking God in Japan. Or, Satan, I guess. And was, not is. So, on second thought, hell no. Fucking Tiger Jeet Singh. Anyway, Norton comes back and I think the crowd is booing him. Either that or they forgot to change the piped in reaction. Singh uses Arab trickery to re-take the advantage. Meng gets the sword, but misses Norton and hits Singh. Norton with a shoulderblock. Straps come down. Holler. Powerslam. That's it? ok. Singh with a beatdown after the match. Then he leaves. Norton gets the mic. "Tiger, this ain't over! You get your ass out of that locker room and let's finish it once and for all!" Then he leaves. Whatever. Since that was so short, here's a transcript of the promos leading up to the next match; Vader vs. Tony Holm(?). He looks like Ludvig Borga, and just might be. He's supposed to be a boxer or something, and this is some weird UWF style match with rounds and stuff. Anyway, here it is.

Tony: Yeah, hi. My name is Tony Holm and I'm here to fight tonight Big Van Wader (not a typo). I'm have to prove tonight that what happened with Hashimoto was only a mistake. I was never lost, I was never count out, the referee stopped the fight without no reason. And tonight, I'm gonna' prove by beating Wader so bad he need a map to go home. So nobody buy say (?) there's only one thing, and one thing at all. I am the best. I'm ichiban in Japan. In future I'm gonna' show it too. Whoever's gonna' fight me, *cough* is gonna' face the same as Vader faces tonight.

Vader: *Grunt* Boxer vs. Wrestler! Tony Holm vs. Vader! Gambate Tony Holm! Gambateeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! A-datatatatatatatata!

I think that's all that needs to be said.