Match #1: Psicosis & Halloween vs. Ultraman 2000 & Leon Negro

This is a barbed-wire cage match, which is why the cage is made of barbed-wire. What? We're not even a minute in, and they already do the "everybody's fallen asleep in the middle of the ring" spot. Ugh. Halloween with the longest near-fall in the world. Ref: "One. Two."

. . .

. . .

*kick out* "Three!"

What have I gotten myself into?

Halloween's wearing an ECW shirt. I guess Psicosis brought it back to him as a souvenir. I hope that's why they're teaming together. Oh, and maybe Ultraman and Leon Negro are jealous, and that's why they're feuding. Except that's rather RUDOish for the Technico team. Maybe Psicosis was a Technico, but turned RUDO by bringing back his ECW souvenirs and not giving any to Ultraman and Leon Negro? I still have . . . my dreams. Psicosis is wearing either a Bruins or a Steelers jersey. Trust me, this fashion report is more interesting than the match.

Who would have thought Mexican Mayhem would be so slow-paced? There's a "lazy Mexican" screaming to escape from that sentence. Somebody tosses Psicosis a chair. Boringness ensues.

They had to remove the ropes and turnbuckles to set up this cage. My God. All that wait, just for . . . this. Psicosis does a Stan Hansen/Black Power salute thing, and seemingly gets stuck, allowing the Technicos to mount a comeback. Why's everybody so intent on taking each other's clothing off?

Halloween may or may not be bleeding. It's hard to tell with an orange mask. Oh, please submit. YES! Now, please let this be over. I guess this is an elimination match, which is odd, as Halloween has no way of exiting the cage. How'd they get in there, in the first place? Leon Negro climbs out, leaving Ultraman 2000 alone with Psicosis and a possibly eliminated Halloween. More guys come out, carrying a bat and a table. Is the crowd chanting "Konnan?" I certainly hope not. Bat's on fire, now. Is Halloween going to blow fire? Barely, and it "hits" Psicosis, allowing Ultraman to get the win? While this did pick up a bit here at the end (at least, what I hope is the end), especially with Psicosis legdropping Leon Negro through that table, it was still pretty bad, all things considered. Ha! The fire on the bat got out of control, so some guy had to kick it to the back. I think Halloween is going to crucify Leon Negro from the rafters! Well, he tried? He kind of just tied him up to some stuff. Nice chairshots, though. Konnan, wearing his tassely outfit, and Rey Misterio Jr. show up to make the save. Woah, I'm not 100% certain Psicosis meant to fall off that ledge.

Backstage footage now. Psicosis's one little cut does not look terribly impressive, especially following footage of the multiple gashes all over Halloween's body.

Match #2: Halloween vs. Leon Negro (mask vs. mask)

This must be some sort of no-DQ match, as Leon Negro's already used a chair. Holy Shit! Over already! Ha! Oh, wait. I'm just out of practice.

2nd Caida: Leon Negro is still in control. Halloween, after taking a funny looking bump on his back: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Halloween is the RUDO, right? Leon Negro and Rey Misterio Jr. are RUDOing things up here, and Halloween is playing along as the underdog Technico. Well, now he's trying to rip Leon Negro's mask, so maybe I spoke to soon. If you ever happen to see this match, and wonder why I never bothered to mention the two women fighting each other, it's because I'm paying very little attention to them. Thankfully, Halloween has powerbombed one of them, so Misterio has to carry her to the back, allowing for some other guys to bring a ladder and table to the ring, even though the had to have passed Misterio on the entryway to get to the ring this quickly. I hope they just whistled and looked the other direction, and Misterio didn't think anything odd about the situation.

3rd Caida: Halloween doesn't wear a mask anymore, but Leon Negro might not even exist anymore, so this match could easily go either way. Is that another "Konnan" chant? I know that song of his was bumping, but is that really any excuse to chant for him during every single match? Oh man, I bet Disco Inferno would be uber-RUDO down in Mexico after inserting himself into Konnan's video that one time. Fuck, there he is. Konnan, that is, not Disco Inferno, although I guess Leon Negro could unmask to reveal himself as Disco Inferno.

Are nearfalls a lot slower in Mexico, or do they just seem that way? I wonder if, whenever people are saying "I just can't get into Lucha. It doesn't make any sense to me." they are referring to the ultra-slow near falls. Somehow, I doubt it.

Fun third fall here, with lots of big bumps and near falls. Halloween blows fire at Leon Negro, which also set the top-rope on fire. I wonder if that was on purpose? He misses the senton onto the table, though. Ref bump. Ugh. Oh yeah, I forgot that Mexican ref bumps are different. They fall down for a second, but simply being bumped in to does not render them unconscious for a few minutes. "I just don't understand lucha!" Bah. The RUDOs keep pulling him out of the ring to break up pinfalls, though. Inexplicably fast count gives Halloween the win. Wait, was that the ref? Yeah, I guess so.

Match #3: Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Psicosis

Big cowboy hat sighting in the 2nd row.

Fairly straightforward match here, with Psicosis controlling for the most part. Misterio gets the occasional comeback move, of course. Big powerbomb by Psicosis gets 2. 2nd attempt is reversed, but Damian 666 breaks up the pin. He's been running interference for Psicosis this whole time.

Ok, maybe this is kind of slow. Super hot crowd is the only thing keeping my interest in it. Oh, Misterio just won with a roll-up. Wait a minute.

2nd Caida: I forgot again. Misterio almost won this fall as well, but Damian broke up the pin. Halloween's out as well. Misterio has somebody in his corner, but I'm not sure who, so I never bothered to mention him. Plastic lawnchairs get involved. God, Psicosis gets closer and closer to landing right on his head every time I see him do that "running towards the ropes and having my leg kicked out has caused me to leap up and bounce off the top rope" spot. The crowd will not let Damian have a chair to set Misterio on. He finally got one, but Misterio was able to avoid Psicosis's tope. Psicosis missle dropkicks the ref, which still doesn't knock him out. Moonsault gets 3.

3rd Caida: Umm . . . why are they raising Misterio's hand like he won? The ref counted 3 then awarded the match to Misterio? Bizarre. RUDO temper tantrum seems somewhat justified.

Match #4:

This is supposed to be footage of a riot after a match. We have Psicosis helping Damian 666 put some guy through a table, and that would seem to be the end of the match. Cholo Garcia is his name, I think, and I guess this was a hair vs. hair match. Oh, that was the 2nd fall, I guess. Damian misses a splash, and the ref forgets to count a pin? Now he almost counts 3 for Damian while Cholo's foot is on the ropes. Yeah, Damian, pulling him up at 2 is a real good idea, especially considering he almost pinned you a moment ago. Again with the not seeing feet on the ropes. Man, this ref is totally incompetent, and, while rioting may be a bit of an extreme reaction, I think I too would be upset if I was a fan of Cholo and the ref's incompetence cost him his hair. Ref bump, and I think he may stay down this time. He was hit with a chair. Damian wins after tons of interference. Wait, I get the feeling the ref was a RUDO ref. Water under the bridge, now. Bring on the riot!

Hmm . . . I saw an extended middle finger, but no rioting. Pierroth has come out to celebrate. Nobody enjoys a good forced shaving like Pierroth. Oh Shit! Out of nowhere, people started throwing chairs at Damian, who is outside of the ring for some reason. That was kind of nuts. Things have calmed down a bit now. Why not give Pierroth the mic again? Some little kid is contemplating rushing the ring, but I guess he changed his mind. Konnan, again?

Now Psicosis is trying to rush some guy in the audience, but Konnan is able to hold him back. Psicosis is dragged to the back as Konnan gets in said guy's face. Damian 666 grabs the mic again, as there's nothing like a good RUDO promo to calm down a near riotous crowd. I hope he's just insulting their local sports team and/or calling somebody fat. I have a feeling, however, that he is calling for Cholo to come out and get his hair cut, as he disappeared a few minutes ago. Yeah, RUDOs drag him back out. Psicosis is back out, too. Well, he was. Maybe Pierroth was his ride, so he had to come back to get him? Now Konnan's starting a "Cholo" chant, as he's carried to the back? Ok, where was the hair-cutting. While that was definitely a lively crowd, calling it a riot is a bit much.

Final Thoughts: Now that I look back upon it, that riot reminds me of State of Emergency, in that it gets you incredibly excited only to become another exercise in boredom and frustration within minutes.