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Our match today features two men that both have brothers involved in pro-wrestling. In fact, if somebody could book a tag team with both of these wrestling siblings teams facing each other, I can almost gaurantee it will suck. Let us look at the long and storied careers of these two, and determine what led them to put on this travesty of a match.
Randy Savage, born Randell Poffo, went to college somewhere in the midwest, where he played first base on the college baseball team. This inspired Abbot and Costello's famous "Who's on first?" "Oh Yeah!" routine, which they later revamped into something that actually made sense. Randell's brother, Lanndell, probably was the team's batboy or something. Anyway, at some point Randell married insane right-wing diatribe Michael Savage, and adopted his name. As if marrying a man wasn't gay enough, Savage then decided to give himself the title of "Macho Man." Just do a google image search of "macho man" to see how gay a title that is.
Eventually Savage wound up in the WWF, where he crushed Ricky Steamboat's throat. This was the cause of one of the most overrated matches of all time, which launched them both on a highly successful career of being outshined by less talented wrestlers. Savage would win the King of the Ring at some point, and then decided to call himself "Macho King." I'm not exactly sure when or why he stopped, but I can hope it happened during a trip to San Francisco.
Savage also teamed up with Hogan, and ended up hating him because of something to do with Miss Elizabeth. She's dead now.
By the 1990s, Savages career became harder and harder to follow. I remember one time he showed up on WCW Monday Nitro after an absence of a year or so, interfered in the main event, then never showed back up for another year, if ever. Savage has recently lost his mind, and released a CD in order to prove it.
Rick Steiner, on the other hand, followed a different, perhaps even shittier path to stardom. The Steiner Brothers were a big deal in the late 80s or early 90s, but I never watched WCW, so I didn't really care. They were in the WWF for awhile, but I don't remember them doing anything spectacular. Supposedly they had some amazing matches in Japan as well, but obviously not the ones I've seen.
Much like Savage, Steiner's career got really interesting in late 90s WCW. With his brother giving up work rate in favor of veins the size of my arms, Rick was forced to fend for himself on the singles circuit. Of course, this means feuding with Buff Bagwell. And his mom.
There doesn't appear to be any. I read a few recaps of WCW shows on CRZ's site, and Savage doesn't seem to be working for them at the time, and Steiner's last match before this one had nothing to do with Savage. Even weirder, there's a few references to Goldberg during this match, but Goldberg isn't mentioned in any of the recaps either.
I guess I can make something up. Let's just make some stupid joke about Steiner performing some "dog act" in Savage's cowboy hat. That's why I'm an internet superstar, ladies and gentlemen.
Steiner is our first man out. I can only hope that his WCW music wasn't as shitty as this music. Steiner has "bite me" written on him more times than I have ever used the phrase in my life.
Savage is out next, accompanied by the most hideous jacket, parka, feathery hide thing I have ever seen. He takes his fine time pomp and circumstancing his way to the ring, stopping to yell something at Masa Saito, who barely even notices he's there. He appears to have stolen Elton John's glasses. When he finally gets in the ring, he grabs the mic.
"I am the Macho Man Randy Savage! You don't just say "Randy Savage"! You tell everybody in the whole world, not just here, that I ammmmaaaaaaahhhhh the Macho Man! Oh Yeah! And I'm ready for the dog pound 'cuz you're next!" Why is he stealing Goldberg's catchphrase?
Now he's pissed off again because he got announced as simply "Randy Savage." Now he goes over to yell at Saito again. You know, part of me hopes the match never starts, as it's not going to be good as this, even.
Against the better judgement of both competitors, the match is started. Well, kind of. Nothing but stalling to start off. At least they're being consistent. Collar and elbow tie up works its way to the ropes. Savage takes the oppurtunity to stall some more. Another collar and elbow tie up. Savage uses the ref as a shield. I guess he's terrified of another tie up. Steiner with a takedown on Savage, and is kind of going into a mount position, but Savage reaches the ropes to make sure that absolutely nothing happens in this match. Savage rolls outside the ring. Some more yelling at Saito. Now he rolls back in the ring.
Finally, we have some . . . well, I hesitate to call it "action," but it is definitely something. Savage throws Steiner to the ropes. Or it was possibly the other way around. Steiner hits a Lou Thesz press? Maybe? Steiner was definitely trying to do something, but he was the one that ended up on the mat, and Savage stayed on his feet. The pin only gets a 2 count. The first spot of the match, and it's fucked up. That's what we call foreshadowing, kids.
Steiner in control now with some generic Steiner offense. It's sad that his brother has a better moveset than him. It's sad that I have a better moveset than him. Now Steiner with some barking. Savage regains control somehow, and eventually applies the laziest chinlock I've seen. If that barking was enough to wear Steiner out, I think he might want to look into a change of proffesion.
Savage attempts a suplex, but Steiner's all "Hey! No bumps allowed, remember?" and blocks it. Some more, shitty stuff. Steiner gets Savage with a release german suplex. And another one. And a third. Steiner up top now. Top-rope bulldog. The announcer calls it a "top-rope grab." 2 count.
You know, looking at that, it almost appears that the match got interesting for a minute. Keep in mind that all that took about 20 minutes, give or take 18.
Steiner is both shocked and awed that he only got a 2 count. "That's more moves than I did all last year, and it only got me 2?!?!" Savage hits a low blow now. Tosses Steiner out onto the ramp. WEAK!!! bodyslam. Man. Followed by an elbow. Another weak bodyslam, and another elbow. I think this is the point where most people's eyes start bleeding. Now they're "brawling" through the ringside area. Back in the ring now. Chairshot on Steiner. Is there no DQ in NJPW, or did the ref just stop watching this match as well? Savage goes up top. Elbow connects! Please!! 1-2-no! FUCK!
Savage is pissed and throws the ref out of the ring. Steiner comes back. DDTs Savage onto the chair. Steiner up top, but HE FALLS OFF THE ROPE!!!! HAHAHA! He landed on his feet and all, but, jesus. I think that was supposed to be the finish of the match, too. Savage has to act all dazed now while Steiner comes back to the ring. Savage takes control, but Steiner hits a low blow. Back up top. You sure about this dude? Top-rope bulldog. 1-2-3. That really wasn' worth doing again.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I should rebeak this entire show, as it also has Don Frye vs. Scott Norton. This tape also has that awesome Shinya Hashimoto/Takayuki Iizuka vs. Naoya Ogawa/Kazunari Murakami match. Wait a minute, I don't think I have the whole thing on tape. I think they video store lied when I rented it. Fuckers.
Next Time: I haven't though about it yet. I'm thinking either Great Muta vs. Tenryu from some WAR show, or maybe something from that Stan Hansen comp. We'll see.