Recently (as recently as one hour ago, depending on when I finish this column), Weekly Visitor ace columnist and Episode II hater Evil Jon Hunt 81 posted a column whining about how he had been suddenly plagued by a tummy ache due to missing a second rate WWE PPV (Judgment Day 2002), or something. He used this tummy ache as fodder to develop a quest to understand what the intrigue behind wrestling is all about. The quest will involve re-watching all his wrestling tapes, or something.

"But, Hooker. I've already read Evil Jon Hunt 81's column. You're not telling me anything new. Truth be told, you're screwing up the facts. TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW!"

Hmm. I probably should have saved that rhetoric device for somewhere else in this article. I just got the feeling that re-using it will come off as very poor quality. Disregard that.

Enter Hooker T. Monkey. Due to my conspicuous absence of Weekly Visitor since around the beginning of February (the same time I got my PlayStation 2), notwithstanding that black sheep WTFW episode I did, I haven't donated any real content to the site. Now, I'd tell you that I feel bad about it and how I'm going to make a huge comeback, but I'd be lying. Twice. Instead, I'm just going to force myself back on the scene with this editorial by discussing what makes professional wrestling so compelling. Unfortunately, in doing so, I'll have to employ the smark honoured tradition of making my editorial sound like the end-all, high and mighty, gospel truth. So, kids, don't try this at home (that means you, Scott).

Wrestling is so compelling is for a number of reasons. As Jon Hunt alluded to in his column, theatrics play a part, but it's a very small part. And in shrinks with every moment Stephanie is booking and with every Triple H promo. As a result, theatrics is about the least compelling component of what smarks remain watching WWE television. The following is a list of why the few remaining WWE fans watch wrestling (albeit non-comprehensive, as I'll no doubt think up yet more half-assed reasons why I keep watching wrestling despite its serious plunge in quality as of late well after completion of this column).

Understanding - I don't bother bringing this up with the typical block-headed hockey zealot of my Canadian origin during one of their bitter "all pro-wrestling fans are idiots with IQs less than a dog or any other non-thinking animal" rants, but there is a lot more to professional wrestling than grown men in their underwear throwing fake punches. Professional wrestling demands a lot from its performers. They need to keep the match paced properly, display a variety of moves, know when the best times to reverse are, and so forth. Without these concepts and practices, every match would be a God damn Hulk Hogan vs Randy Savage match (and wrestling would surely never have risen above it's 80s ceiling as a result). The understanding of all these things by fans is the number one reason pro wrestling is interesting. It lets us look smarter than we actually are when we can point out the vast differences between an Eddie Gurrerro match and a Big Show match.

Dedication - Most wrestling fans have been watching for at least four years (from when Russo was booking for the WWF, now WWE). Most of the vocal ones boast of having watched since their third trimester, or something equally retarded. But whatever the case, not many have just started watching. As a result, we know how much better professional wrestling as entertainment can be than it currently is. We would all love nothing more than for Vince Russo, or someone equally as talented, to pick up the booking job again and let the WWE enjoy the major mainstream it once had. To put it in perspective: think of how Triple H acted when he first won the WWF title compared to how he does now.

Gossip - Wrestling is run just as poorly as any other major entertainment business, such as movies, sports, or drama television is, but the problem is that they have talk shows, major magazines, dedicated channels and the front covers of major newspapers to discuss their turmoil. Due to such high profile news sources, most of the gossip revolving around them is developed with credibility. Wrestling fans have incompetent Internet journalists (present company excluded), WrestleZone, and Joey Style's Hotline. That makes it far easier for any given fan to carve out their own niche in the wrestling gossip scene.

Eh, I've forgotten most of the ideas I had coming into this article, so I'll add more later. Probably. Maybe.