Since the departure of Vince Russo WWF storylines have become formulaic, monotonous, and stale. Gone are the days that we see things like Mae Young giving birth to manikin hands or The Big Show pushing stuff on people. Instead, we have people fighting for apparently no reason at all. The only reason they're fighting is because they're mad at each other. This trend has gone on since the inception of WWF without Russo, and seemed as if it would continue until the WWF was so far gone that it could never recover. Little was it known at that point though, that a storyline that would put all storylines to before it to shame: Perry "brain damaged" Saturn.

Perry Saturn's history before the WWF has been remarkably similar to his current character and storyline, yet so far away at the same time. Never before has he been portrayed as an intellectual of any kind. Never before has he gone anywhere with anything. Rarely has he ever held a belt. His WCW career almost killed his reputation as a performer altogether. There, the only story of any credit to his name was his "I like to wear dresses" angle, and they screwed that up eventually. Instead, he was portrayed as a monster of sorts that would land on his head all the time. Before this, he was in ECW, where God knows what happened to him since nobody watches ECW. Watched, even.

When Saturn debuted in the WWF, it seemed as if his character had carried over as well. Saturn was still the shy muscular guy that landed on his head when he wrestled. Nobody saw the true potential that he held as a performer; the potential of idiocy. Months went by with Saturn doing little more than falling on his head and not talking, doomed to job to whoever would stand up and say "I'll take Saturn tonight, the bars close at nine." Little did all of us know that this was just the beginning of Saturn's masterful plan.

Eventually, people started realizing that Saturn was landing on his head too much, even for such a moron, and rumors began to circulate. However, the genius of Perry Saturn resurfaced, and to distract everyone from his concussionious activities inside the ring, he both developed a new move (a bastardized version of the falcon arrow) and acquired the rights to bring Terri Reynolds (or however you spell her name) to the ring with him. Now, because Terri was ringside and Perry Saturn's matches sucked so very badly, almost all the regular WWF fans stopped asking "Why does Saturn fall on his head all the time?" and started asking, "Why the hell is Terri following Perry around?" Unfortunately, the distraction wouldn't last.

Fans got bored of Terri when all the attractive and young females started showing up (namely Trish). They stopped caring why Terri was following Saturn all over the place, refueling their inquisition of Perry's falling on his head fetish. Saturn tried many new finishing moves, including a bastardized version of the Pearl River plunge, but the fans had got smart to Saturn's ploys, and he fled to WWF Metal to work on his new plan. At Metal, his dominance quickly grew, and before long he was proclaimed the King of Metal by Mexicans and indy workers alike. He had given himself just the right amount of time to think up his newest plan.

Finally, Perry Saturn found a way to return back to regular WWF programming without fans realizing that he was landing on his head repeatedly. This master plan was a big fluffy hat. Saturn's fluffy hat worked both to distract fans from the fact that Saturn was landing on his head, as well as cleverly displaying his character's growing idiocy. Furthermore, the hat foreshadowed the beginning of his current storyline to perfection and beyond. Eventually, he would add a fluffy coat from Mr. Dressup's Tickle Trunk to his entrance attire to further emphasize his vast ridiculousness. The only thing left for Saturn was to put the nail in the coffin and return to RAW full time.

That nail struck home on last Monday's episode of RAW when Bradshaw gave the character Perry Saturn brain damage, kicking off the Perry "brain damaged" Saturn story that seems so obvious looking back on the evidence. From this point on, Saturn will continue to job, but land on his head exponentially more and hopefully increase the levels of idiocy displayed in his character. It's said that good things come to those who wait, and this couldn't hold truer for Perry Saturn, the King of Metal.