In our time, many great things have happened in the wrestling world. Jeff Jarrett created the tornado Rock Bottom yourself maneuver, Al Snow jobbed a bunch of times, Mideon made his transfer from “the fat goth guy” into “the naked man,” plus much more. However, and very unfortunate, one single thing that would have catapulted the WWF into the stardom that they so obviously are not in, is Steve’s failure to bring a sign reading “The Rock 3:16 says ‘I Am The Game’” to the May 29, 2000 episode of RAW is WAR (it was on a Monday). Don’t get the wrong impression, Steve did bring a variety of signs saying such ‘clever’ things as “Canadian badASS” and “Which way did he go?” with a picture of the Pig Show’s head that he clipped out of his kid brother’s RAW Magazine, but obviously these things pail in comparison to the sign he didn’t take. The evidence was clearly presented to him by many objective, level headed people strongly advising him to bring the coveted sign to RAW (the only one I can think of at the time is myself), but still he refused. As a result, a RAW featuring matches like Steve Blackman vs Bull Buchanan and a mixed tag match with Perry Saturn and Goldust’s old wife (I forgot her name) vs Al Snow and Miss Kat, or The Kitten, or whatever. She was hot. Ummm… Oh yeah, the sign. Anyway, this RAW could have gone down in the chronicles of RAW is WAR as one of, if not the greatest RAW of all time, but instead was spoiled by Steve’s stubborn attitude. Plus Miss Kat dyed her hair a really stupid red colour, which was incredibly unflattering on her.

The first reason for Steve to have brought the sign to RAW is that The Rock was in attendance. Not only that, but he actually performed as well. We were all hoping he wouldn’t at that point just to piss everyone else in the arena off. Unfortunately our prayers were not answered by Vince MacMahon, and we were treated to a really stupid main event where The Rock and The Undertaker punched for ten minutes, then Kane came out. Big wow. But I digress. Not only was The Famous Rock in attendance, but so was Kid Rock as well, and I’m quite sure he would have appreciated the sign just as much as the real Rock would have. Perhaps if Steve had added another twist to it to suit Kid Rock, like “The Rock 3:16 says ‘I Am The Cowboy’” or something. I don’t know. I’m not quite the technical genius that Steve is. I’m not supposed to use the first person in writing anyway. D’oh! OK, new paragraph then.

Another concrete reason that should have convinced Steve to bring the sign to RAW is that everyone else claimed it was stupid. Not following? Neither am I. Oh fuck, first person again… Just because some people say something is stupid, doesn’t mean it should be a deterrent from actually doing something. Hooker (heh) constantly does stupid things despite his better judgment, people pleading him not to, and the obvious and usually life threatening risks involved. This sign does that one better though and removes the whole life threatening risk factor. Steve will of course counter this with the claim that he wouldn’t want to be like Hooker, and that’s totally understandable. Hooker doesn’t really want to be like Hooker, so he’ll use another argument to cover his idea. There’s this movie starring Robert De Niro and Cuba Gooding Jr. called Men of Honor. Hooker hasn’t actually seen this movie, but he did see the trailers on TV every five seconds and was able to pick up a very useful bit of information: they told him he couldn’t have it. What he couldn't have is beyond Hooker, but that’s not what matters here. What matters is that all of Steve’s friends besides Hooker told him he shouldn’t bring this sign to RAW, and shouldn’t is close to can’t, and if Cuba Gooding Jr. trailers have taught Steve anything it’s if you’re told you can’t, or shouldn’t in this case, have or bring something, then you should just to spite everyone that tries to hold you down. A real life example of this is present in Hooker’s hair. Everyone that has felt pity enough to even so much as look at Hooker have told him to cut his hair, and as a result he hasn’t. How’d’ya like them grapes?

Steve has always been plagued by a curse that will haunt him until the day he dies, which will invariably be soon coming as a result of his failure to bring the sign to RAW; he has never been able to display a superior understanding of the question. Despite Steve’s better efforts, he has never been able to accomplish this fundamental goal, and it has been proven by countless History projects with the words “displays a superior understanding of the question” highlighted, meaning that he hasn’t. That’s what highlights mean: missing. Hooker believes it’s a synonym, last time Hooker checked. Bringing the sign to RAW surely would have displayed a superior understanding of the question. Hooker isn’t going to follow this up with any sort of half-assed proof because he can’t seem to pull any out of his ass. End paragraph.

The final, and most important reason that Steve should have brought the sign to RAW is so simple even Waspinator69 can understand it: Hooker told him to. Since the beginning of time, Hooker has been telling Steve to do things, and Steve has obediently. As a result, Steve is short, annoying, and his hair looks like a porcupine. Who wouldn’t want to follow everything Hooker says?

Reports from one of the most credible wrestling news sites of all time in WrestleZone.com came in that The Rock was crying himself to sleep when he heard that Steve refused to fulfill his moral obligation to bring the sign to RAW. Obviously WrestleZone.com is a credible news site as it has brought us many breaking stories such as “The Rock to WCW” and “Mideon To Win Heavyweight Gold.” Additionally, even if the sign wouldn’t have gone over as well as we all know it would have, the whore that was sitting two rows in front of Steve that kept her sign up the whole time would have easily blocked out Steve’s anyway, making this whole column null and void. I guess I should stop writing in that case…